Unexpected Expectations

The funny thing about life is that it can abruptly turn around and either go really well or go really of the charts. Over the last few days, a friend of mine has seen her father well on the road to recovery and then lose him suddenly.

It all started a couple of months ago, when her dad had to go through angioplasty - i understand this procedure is to clear the bloodclots in the heart. He had three and during the procedure, he stroked out. This caused complications and his left brain swelled so the doctors had to remove part of his skull so that the pressure in the cranium did not build to a level where it would harm the right side of the brain. The family and all those around it were stunned that before he went in he was happy and living well. And in a couple of days he had lost the use of the right side of his body. When all this was happening and i heard about it - i was looking for someone to blame - mostly i looked to the doctors. After a while i calmed down enough to realise that these things do happen. And although there is a possibility that the doctors screwed up - we can't determine this for sure. It was such a sad day when life went terribly wrong for her dad and herself and her family. Still they were a strong family and together they pulled through.

In the few months following - her dad seemed to be recovering well. My friend seemed also to be coping well. And then we were all informed that her dad was to go through another procedure to replace the skull piece. It seemed the procedure went well but then he stroked out again - this time in the right brain. At this point when i received this information - it all seemed so unfair. He had overcome great odds through his first bad surgical experience and now this has to happen. Again i speculate if the doctors were at fault...? But stress can induce a stroke.

anyway counter measures to keep infection at bay and to prolong his life were again put in place. The doctors advised the family to let him go as he was unlikely to recover from this and would likely remain in a vegetative state. The family together decided that they did not want their beloved father who loved life with a passion to live in this manner. They decided to take him off the counter measures and he passed away yesterday morning at 840am. He was cremated today. It is a great loss to lose one's father and husband. I can only try to imagine the grief. I try to put myself in my friend's position and i feel intense grief. I know it will take time to come to terms with a death within the family. And while i expect to die sometime in the future - i guess everyone would have thought this way at sometime in their life - i know it can come unexpectedly. I guess i have to come to terms with unexpected expectation with life, death and all that comes in between.

My friend - Asther, i'm sorry that you have had to go through this earlier than expected. I know you are strong for yourself and your family. You have always been a good person with a big heart and strong faith and i truly believe that you have always made your father proud and will continue to do so. I will pray for you and your family and i hope you find peace soon and can bring yourself to look forward to seeing him when you do - as we all must travel that road. Love life like he has and he will be best remembered that way.