Been a long time...so i would like to commence by giving my much missed blog a big fat wet kiss to say hello!!
The heading says it all for what my hubby had to go through this weekend jus past. Over the last week he had this swelling on the outer right thigh. We tot it's only a huge pimple (you know la - men can be soo dirty la ;)) Anyway - it grew and grew and grew. In my religion - God created the world in 7 days. My hubby created this monster of a boil in 7 days.
We decided when it turned ugly red with a yellowish center that it's a boil and that it needed to be lanced but not just yet as it wasn't "ripe"! Fancy using a term we use on fruits. eeeee....
Anyway - on the day we felt was the the day to get it lanced - we went down to this lady doctor just down the road from us. She appeared maternal but could talk an MRT to shame, she could also have represented Malaysia in the nagging olympics. anyway - she did not take much of a shine to my poor hubby - he had to put up with her going on and on about the importance of antibiotics (approx - 15 minutes) with me regularly interjecting that hubby feels very strongly AGAINST antibiotics .... chuckle with me for a moment please - it's not often i get to "get" him back for being "atrocious" to me.
So she told him after much verbal slapping that his boil is not "boiled" enough and that it's not pus-sy (no porn intended) enough - and that he had to return the next day to get it lanced. but in the meantime - he has to have an antibiotic jab on his bottom. Aiyoh to see the butt cheek flinch gave me a cringe in unmentionable places but also a feeling of sadistic satisfaction. I pitied the poor old boy and yet i didn't.....how evil am I? Muahahahaha
SO the poor boy slept on his left side all night or on his back - right butt cheek and thigh not the most comfortable. The next day we decided to go in early to lance the boil (see - the thing is we both thought that it was nothing serious and that it was all going to come oozing out from a small pinprick that she would be making into his "ripe fruit"). Little did we know what he was in for......
He lay on the table docilely after being sternly instructed by the doc. She got all the sterile equipment ready, sprayed him with some cold anastethic and cut straight into him. I can imagine the pain he must be experiencing (afterall i did have to endure extreme cringes in unmentionable places for a very long time when he was in the land of pain) In hindsight - it all appeared a bit farnee - with him on his left side and right arm in the air with the arrrrggggghhhhh sound effects coming from him. Aiyoh...what is happening la - isn't it supposed to be a small pinprick? Why is he in sooooo much pain? Is my hubby a big girls blouse?
Then bravery took a hold of my hands and legs and moved me forward to see the cause of such unimaginable pain. My eyes popped out...she had cut the diameter of the boil and was squeezing the icky stuff out....AND MAN WAS IT ICKY!!!!!!!! Yellow with blood and with soft cheese consistency....eeeeeeeeeeeeee....and it stank!!!!
SO she continued to push and probe at the "ripe fruit" with hubby in almost silent agony (the silence punctuated by small eerrggghhh and arrrgggghhhs). At one point i thought he was going to pass out as he screamed (jus a little scream) out. He was covered in cold sweat. The doctor came across as immune to his pain and i felt had no bedside manners at all.
I checked out the cut she had made with her scapel and it was pretty deep from where i was standing. Fortunately for hubby the icky stuff is out of his leg. Unfortunately for hubby - the ordeal is not over. Apparently the nurse is preparing a magnesium sulfate gauze strip to stuff into the gaping hole of my hubby's leg. So the torture goes on...she stuffs...he screams mutely....she stuff....he screams...and this goes on for quite a while. It was over...we had lost track of time between the screams and more screams...
We went home for the rest of the day and hubby was like..."get me this..." "get me that...." "my leg hurts...." "why do I have to do everything around here...?". So I pandered to this pain in the backside (pun intended) whilst my saturday slipped away...I napped to get away from the whining noise coming from hubby and whilst i napped a dream of torture came to me so that when i woke i made a call to my fabulous mum. She has been a nurse for the longest time and is now retired...well semi retired if you count the fact that she has still to look after my dad.....to ask about this painful procedure. She assures me that all men (well - mostly men) scream when this procedure takes place as it is a very painful experience (being dirty..leading to boils and their extraction...nah nah nah...that'll teach you to be clean - ya filthy animals!!! muahahahaha)
I assured my hubby that he was not being a big girl's blouse and that he will have to be brave the next day...(oooppss...did i not mention that my fab mum also told me whats in store for him at the doc's tomorrow) then i tell him all the little painful details and secrets that my fab mum has just told me....i finally understood what the books mean when they say "the colour fell from his cheeks" or "he turned a ghastly shade of ash" or "the blood drained from his face"
The sadist in me takes gleeful joy in creating distress and then the maternal part of me that loves him to bits suffers cringes in unmentionable places. We go to bed that night...possibly a frightful bug eye hubby lying awake in anticipation of tomorrow's visit to the docs while i lie asleep like a baby snoring in contentment with Betsy.
So yesterday was the first day after his "surgery". He went into the doctor's with a heavy heart...knowing what is to come but unable to escape...PAIN!! then he see's the cute receptionist and he thinks...hey..it won't be that bad if she's inflicting the pain...and once again i transform from the love of his life that will do anything to protect him to the evil mother of the mantra "Let pain be your middle name". This transition takes place quietly and smoothly so no one is the wiser.
We enter the room for the dressing change and guess the joys of joys....the person changing his dressing is the.....wait for it.....THE DOCTOR. muahahahaha! hubby looks like he wants to run out of the room....but he stands his ground bravely. The battle between my good and evil alterego was a mighty one, like the war of the titans - only bigger and better and definitely more entertaining....eventually good won out and i decided to be nice. So i hold his hand and tell him it's all going to be ok....and it was...the doc was actually nicer this time round, his wound needed only plain gauze stuffing without the magnesium sulfate and it was reported that he was healing nicely and he got another shot of antibiotics on the bum.
He seems to be recovering well. Today he is teaching all day so we hope he's not in too bad a mood by the day's end. Wish us luck!!
1 comment:
Two things:
I SO sympthathise with my BIL. I know exactly how he feels. I too, went through that kind of excruciating op. Not once, but TWICE!!
Once in the eye remember? The sty that wouldn't die? Mum said I was a hero for that - the bloody anaesthetic didn't work and I did remember to tell them to ladle it on generously. If you thought the pain of being sliced open was bad, the scraping was worse. Labour is nothing compared to that!
Second time I had it in the lower right calf. Wah lau. Damn bloody painful man!! Same thing - lie on table, spray some cooling anaesthetic (and that was a con job becos the bloody thing didn't work diddly squat on me!) and then, cut!! Then scrape!! Then stuff the bloody wound!! I didn't scream, but can so imagine the sounds your dear hubby was making. Those sounds came from me too.
Then the washing and dressing! Our Fab Mum did the washing and dressing. I howled (no lah, I didn't howl, more like gasp and turn white and it was just lucky I didn't faint).
Second thing, I know how lovely it feels to watch the man you love to be in pain. Take that! Hah! That's for the time you stayed out late at the bloody karaoke lounge to get pawed at!
So deeply, infinitely satisfying.
I had the privilege of this experience when KH's kidney stones acted up in Spain. First, they called a lady doctor. Brisk and professional, she turned him on his belly and stabbed (yes, this is the right word - the degree of brutality fits) him in the butt. Then she screwed on the vial and pushed the liquid in. Oh glorious fun!
After that, at the hospital, teh nurses tried 3 times to find a vein and could not - so they stuck in him 3 times. heh.
of course i was not let off too lah. while he was in agony in the ambulance, i was busy getting carsick going over the bumpy mountain road. while he was getting poked, i was busy puking my guts out.
so yeah, lovely memories innit??
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