The Kingdom of Damned if you do, Damned if you don't

This Kingdom really sucks! It sort of blows into town (MY TOWN!!) and we dun likes it much!!

The sucky thing about this is like it's name - damned if you do and damned if you don't. Either way - when this kingdom and it's monarch rolls into town - it's hell on earth with eggshells all over the place and bulls (actually only one - ME!) running around like ants on a hot roof.

The Kingdom of damned if you do and damned if you don't doesn't care what you do, don't do, say and don't say - it will all be wrong! nothing will be right! No matter which way you look at it...you will still pay for everything that goes wrong or right in this monarch's life!

A couple of "cheerful" examples

FLIGHT OR FIGHT
When there are arguments/diagreements/misunderstanding that ended up fairly heated - one can either fly or fight. It's a 50/50 rule isn't it? A chance that if you picked the right strategy you may avoid a complete nuclear meltdown - Let me say this - IT IS COMPLETE AND UTTER BOLLOCKS?!?!
In the Kingdom of Damned if you do and Damned if you don't - either flying or fighting will end one in hot soup. It's a no win. The monarch is extremely strict about no fly or fight laws and the usual sentencing is into the hot soup the perpetuator goes until he/she admits mistake - whether the mistake is factual reality or or the best fictional story that was ever created in the mind of the monarch.

NO GOOD DEED GOES UNPUNISHED
usually when one is asked an opinion on a subject - Most Regular people will take this invitation to present their opinions as an honor. This is because the person asking for your opinion values it enough to want to hear it to see if it can solve the problem at hand. So in an obscure way the person asking for your opinion is seeking "help" - YOUR HELP.

So you provide this help (doing a good deed) and i guess you can tell from which kingdom did the phrase "no good deed goes unpunished" originate from - that's right folks...the Kingdom of Damned if you do and Damned if you Don't. If you provide this opinion (help) - you are going to be a great deal of trouble with the Monarch if the result of your opinion and eventually his decsion leads to problems of any kind. Even if your opinion does not result in tremendous loss (the Monarch is a great spinner - one that can make even a mouse think its a goat!) you will be blamed for not considering all the facts (not all available to you at the moment of opinion giving).
If you think not providing an opinion will definitely ensure safety in the Kingdom of Damned if you do and Damned if you don't - you have another thing coming!! NO CHANCE! If you fail to provide the royally requested opinion you are seen as a traitor in the eyes of the Monarch as you fail to show your support for his "conquering plans for the universe!"

PROVIDING SOLACE TO THE MONARCH
this Kingdom seethes with danger with every corner you turn, every side street you take and every building you enter....so on and so forth. It is covered in egg shells that scream for punishment when you step on them accidentally - enraging the Monarch.

In your defence - you would advise the Monarch to not place so many egg shells around as the population is finding it difficult to get by without getting sentenced to soup. It might be better to keep his eggshells somewhere safe. There are times when the Monarch will step on eggshells deployed under his rule and when that happens - you see the Monarch all depressed and sad and pissed off at the same time. You try to comfort the sole Monarch of the Kingdom that it's only an eggshell that's been crushed and that there's many more eggshells around...no point crying over cracked eggshells...there are other eggshells to look after. In this situation - you will hear the MONARCH SCREAM - I WANNA WEAR MY PINK DRESS!!!! (Private Joke..... :P)

For now the Kingdom of Damned if you do and Damned if you don't has moved on. Phew! It will come round again but at least bubble-dom will have some time to recover its bouncy-ness and elasticity to take the constant screaming and stretching that comes from the reigning Monarch of that terrible kingdom.