My Popo

My earliest memories of my PoPo (my maternal grandma) is that of jet black hair, fierce looking face, horn-rimmed glasses, one hand on hip and the other wielding a rotan (cane). I cried a lot when i was young giving new definition at that time to the term cry baby. It wasn't that she'd beat me or scold me....i was just a very fretful child. These days i dun cry as much, even though i want to or feel the deepest sadness that comes with the loss of my PoPo.

My PoPo co-brought me up with my parents. We were not wealthy when i was a child. I almost always got hand me down clothes from my sister and treats came in the form of 10cents being placed in my hand sneakily by my grandpa (God bless his soul - he left us quite some years ago) to go play "Tikam" (a gambling game of chance for kids - prizes usually were toys etc) whilst my Popo would nag about wasting money. She would cook up a storm - true nyonya dishes. She would "tepok" (pet) me to sleep and whilst i slept she would fan me with a folded newspaper. She has the best collection of kebayas i ever had seen in my life and she used to love playing mahjong and "ciki"

As usual when you are a child you hardly know the adults that are bringing you up to be a responsible adult. When you are a teenager you refuse to listen to their wisdom and wise advice. When you are a young adult you are too busy building your life to pay much attention to those who spent their lives giving you yours. The dawning of the characters of the people who bring you up through this world comes slowly and sometimes to late. When i say dawning...i mean the slow growth of awareness...and that's how it is for me and probably most of you as well.

At the place that i am now - more or less stable, more or less happy, more or less fulfilled i see things differently. I can see now that when i was growing things were really tough and my parents and grandparent really had to work very hard for themselves and us - especially us. The attitudes and mentality of then and now are vastly different. Choices that were limited then built stronger characters and endurance. Unlimited choices in this day and age have made the younger generations weak. I am glad to say that i am not so far from that ole generation that i have benefited from that attitudes and mental and mettle building that was so strong during that period.

My Popo who recently passed away reached iconic status in my mind probably over the last 10 years where it dawned on me all her sacrifices, her strong will, her fight till the end mentality (that usually drove her kids mad!) her softness, her need for love throughout her life and her love and tenderness (despite appearances) for us all. Undoubtedly she has touched and taught everyone who has ever had the opportunity to meet her. through her i have learnt to see the flip side of every coin, through her, i learnt to see the silver lining in every dark cloud, through her i learnt respect, tolerance, negotiation, will power and many other skills that will be with me till i die.

I miss my Popo. I feel sad that she is gone but i am glad that she is in a better place (possibly harrassing all the angels in heaven as we speak) She is the last TRUE Matriach of the Nyonya line in my family. She is a character like no other. I miss kissing her and having her hug me as i promise to return from KL to visit with her soon. she has lived 86 years and suffered, enjoyed, endured more life than most people i know. Nothing i can write her will ever describe her as she sits in my mind and in my heart. She used to call me cry baby...well her "Bibian" doesn't cry as much as she did and could not cry when she left us...i guess her lessons have sank in more deeply than i thought. She will always be a part of me. I can see bits of her floating around in me and i feel proud that she was my POPO and that pride of being part of her, her pride in life will stay with me forever.