A tear in the corner of my eye

There are good days and then there are bad days and there are also days when it is neither. There are a couple of days in a year that i have sad days. Sad days are when i feel that all things are not right in the world especially in mine.

Sad days for me come about when i see bad things happening to people/animals (like whenever i visit Mags - it makes me sad that things like that can happen). This makes me feel like there is no hope for human kind. That they are vicious and terribly self centered beyond belief that that really believe the world revolves around them and that they are owed a living and anything they get in life.

I see this everyday in life and the thing that makes these sad days sad is that no matter how hard you try - it's not going to change. People will still be mean to people. People will still put their self interest and needs first. If you sacrificed something for someone else...dun expect to get thank yous. Expect that the person you helped out will feel that it is their right to be treated nicely regardless of cost to anyone else.

So when I'm having these sad days - i prefer to keep quiet, be by myself - to find my balance again. I have considered that my sad days come about because i'm so angry but cannot do anything about it - cannot change the situation and cannot express frustration to the level that it is felt. On these days - i have a constant tear in the corner of my eye that will not go away till my balance is found (read as when i can filter out the mean-ness of this life and make a concentrated effort to find only the good)

I find that i can see and feel but not articulate accurately these things that make my days sad. I was angry and now just sad (similar to a feeling of hopelessness). And that leaves a constant tear in the corner of my eye.

Betsy

Betsy. She's my cow. My sistah gave her to me (actually she's the second betsy as i had to give up my first to Isaac - my nephew). She travels with me everywhere and i mean everywhere, sleeps with me every night and watches TV with me every evening. She's the most huggable cow i have and the reason why i treasure her the most is because my sistah gave her to me.

Betsy is like an extension of my sistah (i know my cheh cheh is probably grossing out right this moment as she reads this as Betsy is in a right state) I can't bear to wash her in case she falls to pieces. And i dun trust those dry cleaners with her. So i'm sticking with her the way she is. Just like i love my sistah forever. Even though we have our fights, disagreements, sibling rivalry (Betsy has an edge over my sistah in this respect - WE NEVER FIGHT!)

I talk to Betsy when i'm happy, sad, depressed and angry. She comforts me by just listening, hugging and absorbing my tears (and fears) till i sleep. She dreams with me (let's me drool happiness and contentment all over her), has nightmares with me (I have flung her from the bed - without knowing). She exacts revenge for me (smacks hubby on his bald head for being mean to me), protects me (people dun try to approach you when they think you're mad for traveling with a stuff cow named betsy whom you giggle to each and every night that you have to share accommodation with...) and lurves me right back with the blank cow stare that she has.

She has her own particular smell (ME! ME! ME!) and i lurve my Betsy to bits (still together or fallen off) Her snout is tilted in a particular direction (probably due to me sniffing her in only one direction); her tail is a furry mess of furry stuff; she's got holes in her back; her horns are falling off and her ears are worn thin (from my constant nervous habit of pushing the cotton into the corners of her stitching). She's also a lot thinner now then when i first got her. I sometimes think about the future and what it holds. And sometimes i imagine Betsy no more with me and i stop right there! I don't like the thought - so i fiddle with her soft terry cloth (used to be) belly a little gentler when we sleep at night; i swaddle her with soft pashmina when i pack her to go abroad with me. All in the effort to keep her with me till i die.

Betsy also has a special relationship with hubby. He always remembers to bring her to bed if she's been watching TV with him. He talks to her and almost always gives her a good night kiss. And i know it's strange but he arranges her in a sleeping position in the mornings after we have all gotten up.

there was only one other fellow that "communicated" with Betsy as hubby does. And he was affectionately known as "my holiday hubby". Long story how this boyo got this title but nothing raunchy - just had to share accommodation. Anyway, this dude was putting granola bars in Betsy's lap, flowers in her ear...man i thought Betsy was going to get a proposal.

Betsy has shared a large part of my life for over 8 years. I hope she will stay around (especially with me taking sepcial care to be gentler with her) for at least another 10 years! I cannot imagine a day without Betsy to go home to or snuggle up to or to talk to. I will always remember Betsy my cow! Betsy my best friend! Betsy - my sistah's gift to me that is more than a soft toy!