Man...what a day... It all started off well and it ended well but everything in between was crap.
I have already made my new year's resolutions for 2009. It's all a big secret - i think that if i tell people about it then i probably won't stick to it and of course it would be less embarrassing if i didn't manage to stick to it....
I added one more after today's events...in between the good start and the good end. It was just after lunch and i usually have a bit of a walkabout after consuming any meal to facilitate bowel movements...I'm quite a good regular pooher. I could pooh for our country at the pooh olympics and probably take home gold in many different categories...anyway...i digress.
As with most walkabouts...it usually ends with an urgent need to fulfil the purpose of the walkabout. Did you understand that? hahaha...
I proceeded to my spanking new office - renovation just completed. Now only left to furnish the lounging area at the back and set up a training lab. So simple right...one sentence equates to many many very tedious tasks. Anyway, i digress again...back to the story. So i made it back there and wanted to go to the pooh throne for some much needed release when i realized that there wasn't any toilet paper. As i started to walk out to the store to sort out this dreadful toilet paperless situation in my time of urgent need (I literally had a turtle's head sticking out of my ....) I heard sounds of a leak...so i tested the flush mechanism on the toilet to see if it had been caught (this is a common occurence in this particular toilet).
Anyone who knows anything about toilets and flushing mechanism - it would be me - can tell when the sistern is empty or full by the pressure needed to deploy a flush. As I tested the flush, i knew instantly that it was empty...So it I thought...the bloody tap must be off...the bloody contractors forgot to turn the main tap back on. SO i proceeded to turn the tap on, planning on multitasking like a good woman should - fill the sistern while i go get toilet paper so that sistern is full by the time i need a flush....
Stepping out of the toilet, I heard running water in my lounge...my spanking new lounge...so i rushed in and found a wave coming from the pantry sink (apparently not water tight) flowing onto my spanky new carpet...making it a soggy new carpet...
Crying out an expletive.. i rushed back into the toilet and turned off the main tap...went back to my soggy new lounge and looked on in despair as the water just kept pouring onto the carpet and eventually slowing to a drip...
Running for the paper towels i started to soak up as much water as i could...silently cursing the moronic contractor who did not think to mention to us as we are working at setting up the office (that we might use the toilet) to not turn the tap on. Crazy! Crazy Crazy!
So i worked for almost 3 hours to dry my soggy new carpet and i'm proud to say that after 3 hours of back breaking work my soggy new carpet has become an almost dry spanking new carpet again. I can only pray that the mold stays away. So my new New Year's resolution is "NOT TO FLOOD ANYWHERE OR ANYTHING FOR THE REST OF THE YEAR - THAT INCLUDES NICE SPANKING NEW LOUNGES, OFFICES, CAMERAS ETC..."
Think this might be the first resolution that i might just be able to keep! ;)
Tuesday 13 January 2009
Tuesday 6 January 2009
Tow Truck Service - Entertainment in Sepakat
There was laughter, snickering, sniggering, finger pointing and i was not among the crowd that partook of the spectacle that amused them so. You see...it all started when the King's horse got lame (his bike) on his way back from work. I got a call when i was almost home (i was driving my chariot) and it was his royal highness...sounding all pitchy (no pun intended) ordering me to stop my chariot in the middle of the road coz he needed a lift back to the palace.
Usually, when he is on his trusty steed - he makes it back to the palace in no time at all and i'm usually at least 30 minutes behind him. So i was surprised by this turn of events. So i stopped ...making a lot of the other chariot drivers behind me so irate that they started honking.
I see him through the rear mirror (yes i know...it's pretty posh to have rear view mirrors installed in chariots...;)) and watch him as he makes his progress toward me. He hops into the chariot and is all sullen...oh no...here we go....i wait patiently for him to relate his story...i wait and i wait and i wait...till i could wait no more then i burst with the question...what's wrong with your italian horse (his bike is a ducati)? He grunts that it's sick and refuses to move. I asked what kind of illness has beset the poor beast? He grunts again in reply that it's something or rather...(you know all the manly terms for horsey business...
Anyway...i accept the fact that his trusty steed has become an invalid and so i asked him if he was going to leave his horse down where all the commoners were - hinting that his steed might get stolen....
"Of course not!" he barked. So i wait and wait for an explanation and eventually he mutters...we're gonna tow it. I asked how the horse should be towed? Perhaps we can get a tow truck to move the thing....or we can push it up the hill....at this he laughs cynically and says nothing else...
I continue to let him brood...all the way to the arrival at the palace...through the walking of the knights and the rest time after the walkies. Finally he says..."I'm hungry. Let's go eat..." so we do. I will not go through the hassles we go through everyday on what to eat for dinner. The palace larder is sorely lacking and the royal cooks (me) has usually packed up for the day by that time of the night.
Anyway, we visit the local grub place and had some bak kut teh. Before leaving he asks me to bring along the knights' leads...i have a funny feeling about this but do not question my lord and does as he says...mabbe after dinner he can handle a couple more questions....hmmmm.....
After dinner, in a much better but not much better mood, his lordship tells me his devious plans on how to get his trusty steed back to the palace. As i listen to it...i groan inwardly. He plans to hook the leads to the back of the chariot (there is a tow hook there) and he will sit astride his steed and hold onto the leads that are attached to my chariot. he then wants me to drive my chariot slowly towing his poor sick steed home. (face grimaces)
HOW??? WHAT??? HUH??? All questions going through my mind...i'm thinking my lordship has lost his marbles....all they while i'm thinking this he's muttering to himself about how all things italian are useless (he recently lost his coffee making machine - also italian).
I voice my doubts..."Erm....I think the leads might break...?" "Nonsense" he replies. "These leads are meant to for heavy duty stuff...." I thought i'd give him the benefit of the doubt and shut my trap. he continues "If they break, i would be very surprised!" With that we paid the bill and made our way back to his invalid steed.
When we arrived, there were lots of commoners still milling about, getting their last minute shopping done. So he coaxes his steed closer to my chariot and begins tying the leads and arranging them - according to his plan. I merely sit quietly in the chariot, waiting for the geedeeup!
The command comes and i set of slowly...less than 10 secs into the tow...the leads break. The people around have stopped to witness this spectacle of my towing service. I turn back to find out what's wrong and he says nothing at first. So we try again and off we go...less than 10 secs later..we have to stop again. I mean...I feel sorry for him at this point but not as sorry as i would feel for him in the next half hour.
Eventually we managed to get the steed back to the palace, stopping and starting like a dozen times, dealing with him falling down with his steed and ultimately the humiliating need for some commoners to help push the damn heavy monster of a horse up the frigging hill. My lordship was a steaming wet mess of sweat and dark thoughts by the time he returned to the palace. He thanked the commoners who aided him out of the goodness of their hearts. And subsequently collapse on the royal sofa, panting with his mouth open and tongue hanging out (he did look a little bit like his knights then)
I waited (as you can tell i have perfected the art of waiting) and waited till he caught his breath and then asked...."so?...let's hear it?" He looks at me, grins a sloppy sort of tongue hanging out kinda smile and says "You were right...the leads broke!" With that i smiled triumphantly and gestured in my queenly fashion that all was forgiven.... (sniggers...i really enjoyed that part) until he finished his sentence off with "I would have been right except that i forgot about the ends of the lead where it is not tied properly...."
At that...i thought...i should have left you and your trusty steed to rot with the commoners! HA!
At least i can say my life ain't boring.... ;)
Usually, when he is on his trusty steed - he makes it back to the palace in no time at all and i'm usually at least 30 minutes behind him. So i was surprised by this turn of events. So i stopped ...making a lot of the other chariot drivers behind me so irate that they started honking.
I see him through the rear mirror (yes i know...it's pretty posh to have rear view mirrors installed in chariots...;)) and watch him as he makes his progress toward me. He hops into the chariot and is all sullen...oh no...here we go....i wait patiently for him to relate his story...i wait and i wait and i wait...till i could wait no more then i burst with the question...what's wrong with your italian horse (his bike is a ducati)? He grunts that it's sick and refuses to move. I asked what kind of illness has beset the poor beast? He grunts again in reply that it's something or rather...(you know all the manly terms for horsey business...
Anyway...i accept the fact that his trusty steed has become an invalid and so i asked him if he was going to leave his horse down where all the commoners were - hinting that his steed might get stolen....
"Of course not!" he barked. So i wait and wait for an explanation and eventually he mutters...we're gonna tow it. I asked how the horse should be towed? Perhaps we can get a tow truck to move the thing....or we can push it up the hill....at this he laughs cynically and says nothing else...
I continue to let him brood...all the way to the arrival at the palace...through the walking of the knights and the rest time after the walkies. Finally he says..."I'm hungry. Let's go eat..." so we do. I will not go through the hassles we go through everyday on what to eat for dinner. The palace larder is sorely lacking and the royal cooks (me) has usually packed up for the day by that time of the night.
Anyway, we visit the local grub place and had some bak kut teh. Before leaving he asks me to bring along the knights' leads...i have a funny feeling about this but do not question my lord and does as he says...mabbe after dinner he can handle a couple more questions....hmmmm.....
After dinner, in a much better but not much better mood, his lordship tells me his devious plans on how to get his trusty steed back to the palace. As i listen to it...i groan inwardly. He plans to hook the leads to the back of the chariot (there is a tow hook there) and he will sit astride his steed and hold onto the leads that are attached to my chariot. he then wants me to drive my chariot slowly towing his poor sick steed home. (face grimaces)
HOW??? WHAT??? HUH??? All questions going through my mind...i'm thinking my lordship has lost his marbles....all they while i'm thinking this he's muttering to himself about how all things italian are useless (he recently lost his coffee making machine - also italian).
I voice my doubts..."Erm....I think the leads might break...?" "Nonsense" he replies. "These leads are meant to for heavy duty stuff...." I thought i'd give him the benefit of the doubt and shut my trap. he continues "If they break, i would be very surprised!" With that we paid the bill and made our way back to his invalid steed.
When we arrived, there were lots of commoners still milling about, getting their last minute shopping done. So he coaxes his steed closer to my chariot and begins tying the leads and arranging them - according to his plan. I merely sit quietly in the chariot, waiting for the geedeeup!
The command comes and i set of slowly...less than 10 secs into the tow...the leads break. The people around have stopped to witness this spectacle of my towing service. I turn back to find out what's wrong and he says nothing at first. So we try again and off we go...less than 10 secs later..we have to stop again. I mean...I feel sorry for him at this point but not as sorry as i would feel for him in the next half hour.
Eventually we managed to get the steed back to the palace, stopping and starting like a dozen times, dealing with him falling down with his steed and ultimately the humiliating need for some commoners to help push the damn heavy monster of a horse up the frigging hill. My lordship was a steaming wet mess of sweat and dark thoughts by the time he returned to the palace. He thanked the commoners who aided him out of the goodness of their hearts. And subsequently collapse on the royal sofa, panting with his mouth open and tongue hanging out (he did look a little bit like his knights then)
I waited (as you can tell i have perfected the art of waiting) and waited till he caught his breath and then asked...."so?...let's hear it?" He looks at me, grins a sloppy sort of tongue hanging out kinda smile and says "You were right...the leads broke!" With that i smiled triumphantly and gestured in my queenly fashion that all was forgiven.... (sniggers...i really enjoyed that part) until he finished his sentence off with "I would have been right except that i forgot about the ends of the lead where it is not tied properly...."
At that...i thought...i should have left you and your trusty steed to rot with the commoners! HA!
At least i can say my life ain't boring.... ;)
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