Death of an Innocent - by an innocent

On one of the endlessly long days that make up my life of leaving an office full of unfinished work to returning to a home that is filled with more unfinished work, i witnessed the death of an innocent. It all started one evening whilst we were chilling out in the palace's main hall. I heard a distinct cry coming from the trees on my hillside. It was what i identified as a typical baby's cry for its mommy. It wasn't human but i could not see what was crying in the dark shrouds of the tree's branches. So i got out the maglite (extremely bright torch) and lit up the source of the crying and saw a baby musang (civet cat) mewing piteously. There was nothing i could do for it except let it cry on and it did all through the night.

The next day went as usual...office drudge then home. Just like every other day when i arrive home, i will be greeted by excited yapping from the knights, jumping, pawing and generally making me colourful as the ram into me giving me bruises all over - i have to say my language is usually as colourful as the rest of my body after the usual meet and greet.Today was no different. I was met with the usual enthusiasm from the dogs and my tired tots of laundry, dish washing etc. So i quietly padded downstairs to go to my laundry area, followed closely but Sir Wolfie and Sir Mags and they dutifully followed me out to do my chores out back. The knights bored with watching me work (they are really very good at this task) started playing in the garden. Occassionally i would scream for them just so that they would come bounding round the corner all smiles to reassure me that they haven't fallen down the hillside.

This day, before i could do my usually well timed scream for reassurance, i heard frantic barking from somewhere around my study. Wondering what triggered off this persistent barking i went to investigate. I found both Mags and Wolfie at the little patio near my study where all my orchid plants are. Wolfie was barking at something in the corner...as my eyes searched around my potted orchids it finally settled on a baby musang terrified beyond belief at the loudly yelping brute, huddled in the corner with no escape.

I told Wolfie in stern tones to stay before heading back in to get a towel to catch the musang. The idea was to release it nearer the tree i saw it in the night before so that it could escape to the safety of the branches. I returned with a towel but as i approached it hissed at me which set off a whole string of barking from both Mags and Wolfie. I figured i still would need my fingers to work with tomorrow so i went round to the back to get a box to trap the terrified baby.

As i came back to the scene of excitement, i heard a scuffle. i returned to find the musang and my knights gone. So i ran round to the far side of the garden only to see Wolfie with the musang in his mouth in a death grip shaking it violently. I screamed for him to drop it and dropped it he did. As i approached i could see that it did not survive the thrashing that Wolfie gave it. He thought it was a toy was my first guess (he usually shakes his toys in just the same way). My second guess is that my Wolfie is a hunter, was a hunter when i saved him from the pound and still is one.

I was very distressed with him. I love my knights as if they were my children and i would never think them capable of murder...but this incident changed it all for me. I did not know how to react. The loss of life, any life - innocent or otherwise is always sad. I cried as i lifted the carcass of this baby civet cat and placed it into a box. It was not a pretty sight. I then proceeded to dig a hole in the ground to bury the poor soul. Wolfie has not seen the garden in almost a month, partly as a punishment and partly i was afraid that he would dig up the shallow grave. I still love Wolfie but i guess I NEED TO BE MORE RESPONSIBLE FOR HIM AND HIS REACTIONS!

Just a couple of nights ago, i heard something banging against my balcony railings and wondered if there was an intruder. I went up to check and in the darkness without turning on the lights i could see nothing move. i decided to flick the balcony light switch on anyway - better to know what is trying to attack you then to be attacked whilst asleep is what i say.

What i saw was two adult musangs playing on my balcony, jumping on the railings, bouncing off the swings, running across the length of the balcony. They played for a good 10 minutes before heading up to the roof to do god knows what. I think these were the parents of the baby musang buried in my garden. I guess they came back for their child afterall except that their child is no more because of mine. My knight, for whatever reason - caused the death of an innocent, i believe innocently.

Choose Freely, Choose Wisely with no regrets (almost)

Today's advice for the battle weary who want to throw in the towel the the sake of a minute's respite against the ground they have fought to win losing tooth and nail and copious amounts of bloody spraying vomitus (old chinese and malay proverb of vomiting blood means to be so damn irritated or frustrated that one pukes blood out in a dramatic fashion)

I mean this in this life we face many decisions and many choices. We have more freedom now than that of our parent's generation. We have more options, choices, pathways even religions than they had. AND what do we do with this endless variety of life? We screw it up because we think we can do it all in one life time. That's right folks...you only have a lifetime to do what you want to do to make it count in some small way or another if not for someone else than at least for yourself.

ONE LIFETIME

So yes, you will have to decide on things like these:

1) Single or Attached
2) Children or no children
3) Love or money
4) Work or Leisure
5) and so on and so forth

the list is endless. Some comparisons are more important in one person's life than another. And yet with all the endless access to endless opportunities, and all the freedom to choose we still have so much difficulty choosing what we want. We make a mountain out of a molehill over decisions like these.

I guess i have had enough of stupid people in the last week. These are people who have made decisions in their lives, selected choices that resulted in certain pathways being travelled and the consequence both good and bad have suddenly developed hindsight. this is an amazing gift. Pity it comes too late.

it's like they made these decision blinded...(some claim they did not have 100% of the information or was not 100% sure - these days 100% is a ficticious figure that doesn't count for much)

They ask for reassurances for the future when none can be provided. They have been kept so safe and shielded either by society or family that they can no longer deal with risk. Calculated risk is highly misunderstood in this day and age.

The generic key to anyone's happiness is the have the ability to choose freely without any external pressures. choices are made by the heart or by the mind - both elements are internal and yet many people allow external factors to influence their decision making. External factors can be situational. These external situational factors create internal influences like fear and shame. I guess i'm trying to say that we must decide what makes us happy, what constitutes a deal breaker for any decision to pass and not subvert our happiness by allowing any external influence. I believe strongly that only a happy person can make another happy. It isn't easy but it's not impossible to choose freely.

And if you cannot bring yourself to choose freely, then you can at least do yourself a favour by choosing wisely. Gut instincts are seldom wrong unless your name is Mr or Miss Unfortunate For Life. When you come to a cross road in your life and it is necessary for you to decide the pathway and this scenario is usually brought about because of some inbalance in your life that you feel perhaps some change would be necessary in order for you to be happy. You probably already know what needs to change or which is the right path. You decide that you will act on this and by doing this you have chosen freely. Then situational factors began to descend upon your senses and suddenly you are no longer as sure as you were when you first made the decision to change.

this will likely see the revoke of the initial decision (freely chosen) due to fear of non results and readiness to revert back into your comfort zone. Then you must learn to choose wisely. Choosing wisely allows for external influences in your decision making to help you justify your decision to revert. If you have chosen wisely then you have admitted that the time is not right for the change or the extent of change is too big. This will of course mean that you give up on the opportunity/possiblity of the happier life you initally envisioned for yourself. Whether you choose freely or wisely, life will still have it's up and downs. The trick is to not have regrets. One lifetime, do your best with it, choose freely, choose wisely and have no regrets...almost.

And one last thing...everything you want in life - you will need to earn! There are no shortcuts, no quick results. It's hard work despite what everything around you screams "convenience, easy and fast" in your face on a daily basis.

If you still didn't understand this blog...call me! ;)